the brotherhood
Thursday, May 7, 2009
okay so today really sucked. like really. i got to school, i threw my bag on the floor. i went into the spare classroom and i just let my anger fly. threw chairs, broke some of them, dented the noticeboard, kicked the ball around threw it around, everything possible. my classmates in the project room were all staring but i was a complete mess. i hated myself and wanted it to end so badly, i couldn't think straight and i couldn't do anything else but let my emotions run wild. everything i put effort in all comes to waste namely polo and exams. last night i had enough and i went to sleep hoping it would be all better. but it wasn't. after i had thrown the stuff around and made many loud bangs for an alleged 10 minutes, i just sat there and i started crying. i hated myself and i hated my life. i also hated the fact that God made me so emotional and oversensitive, it's not a good thing at all. First period was history. I was quiet throughout the entire lesson, i couldn't speak, i couldn't myself to the words wouldn't come. mrs ang later asked what happened i just said i was tired cos i was "too quiet" today. then i talked to nick and that made me feel slightly better cos at least some of my emotions were let out. slowly but surely, my friends all great in their own way all came one by one to comfort and help me with what had happened. By the end of the day, I was living my life the way I should have been living it all along.
I won't say the emotions have totally passed but at least for now I'm stable. deep down there's still that tinge of regret and hatred for myself and what I do but other than that i'm more or less fine. so i say thank you to everyone who helped me today.
nick, marcus, ruiyi, brandon, chris, khai chong, keith, ryan teh, greg (though i was too pissed at the time).
All of you found out from me what had happened and i thank you for it, you pick me up when i'm down and you just keep walking with me. also i thank jordaan goh kok ping for helping me out last night with you-know-what.
I thank all of you.
